


A Ghost's Whisper

by Slade_Maverick



Category: K-pop, Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drama & Romance, Fantasy, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3837367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slade_Maverick/pseuds/Slade_Maverick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donghae is a 17 years old boy who had to go trough a lot in his past already.</p><p>Distrusting everything and everyone in his life, the boy build a wall around himself that is nearly unable to break.</p><p>Only his best friend Eunhyuk knows him and at the same time he knows nothing, because what would happen if the one and only remaining friend of Donghae's childhood would find out about his dark past?</p><p>Would he still stand by his side or turn away from him like all the others did five years ago?</p><p>And what will happen when suddenly all of Donghae's fears come to life at once?</p><p>Will he get drowned in the dark he had been living in for so long or will he finally see the day again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

t was rather dark for this time of the year.

And cold.

The clouds were bagging in the sky, one having a deeper shade of grey then the other.

There wasn't any sound to be heard except from the whining of the wind, which was blowing trough the big, dark treetops of the forest, causing the leafs to silently rustle.

The night was already splaying across the sky, turning everything into black and grey shadows.

Kiron was traversing the forest, his facial expression just as unfriendly and cold as the weather itself.

He was alone.

All alone.

Nothing was bothering or disturbing him in his loneliness.

The small path in front of him was the shortest was to get back to his house.

Slowly the rain was starting to fall, turning the surroundings into a nebular state.

Yes, that was exactly the weather Kiron had been expecting.

The cold side of the nature, the cold side of the almighty mother earth.

He walked on but suddenly he heard footsteps behind him, which were interrupting the silence.

That couldn't be true...

Kiron knew for sure he had been all alone when he had left and nobody had been following him around either.

Could it be?

No...

No way.

His parents already left the party long before him.

He turned around but as expected Kiron couldn't see anybody.

Weird...

After heading forward the footsteps were setting in again.

He tried to ignore them and just passed on ,but....

Damn it! There wasn't anyone now was there?!

He stopped walking again and like that the footsteps fell silent too.

Impossible ...

Kiron was about to go on, when he heard a shaking voice right behind him.

“Help me! Please help me!”

Panicking he spun around and just like the first time, nobody was everywhere to be seen.

He kept yelling:”Who are you?” into the darkness, but he never got any kind of response.

Somebody was seriously joking around with him.

Kiron intended to walk on even faster than before to finally get back home and there they were again.

The footsteps were setting in again, following him, driving him crazy.

And the he heard this shaking voice, pleadingly calling out for him ... again.

“Please help me!”

It felt like the hundred' time, when Kiron stopped walking … again.

Even though cold sweat was starting to run down from his forehead, he was still waiting for the things to come.

He was also slightly annoyed.

“Why won't you tell me who you are?! I've had enough, stop joking around with me!”

His anger was rising to no end.

Now the footsteps were coming closer and suddenly Kiron felt a cold and feeble hand lying on his right shoulder.

Dear Lord, this couldn't be true! This wasn't real! It simply was impossible!, he thought, all the anger gone and replaced by shock.

With every passing second Kiron felt more and more uneasy when he finally took only deep breath, turned around and...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello everyone, so this is one of my eunhae fanfics.  
You can also find it on asianfanfics.com Hope you will like it^^  
Thanks for your support!

Regards Slade


	2. Everyday Life

It had been just another nightmare.

This was the first thing Kiron realized when he woke up. Cold sweat was sticking all over his body and he was panting hard.

Who was that girl in his dream?

Why couldn't he just turn around and look her in the eyes?

And most important, what was it all about?

 

There had to be a reason or at least a small hint, why his dreams had all been the same for more than two years by now. At first they were unfocused. Nothing to be compared to and nothing you would have wasted a second thought of.

But just as always things had changed.

Everything changed because of him and nothing would last forever. You could have called it ignorance, stupidy of a child or just a long, lost hope of a young broken heart that belonged to a broken boy.

Nothing would ever bring back his old life.

The life he had lost because of his own fault.

Everything was his fault and he knew it way too well.

 

He, Lee Donghae, a 16- year- old boy, had lost more in his short life than most of the people could ever imagine. It was a part of his dark past that still lasted til now.

Too hurtful to be told and unbearable for only one person to stand.

That was called reality in his life for more than five years by now and his everyday life.

 

After calming down a little bit Donghae or Kiron, like a special person used to call him, looked around in the darkness.

Only a few sun rays had made their way in, shining through the curtains in front of the window.

It was all so silent and peaceful … the whole opposite of Donghae's inner feelings and emotions.

Desperate about the whole situation, he lowered his head. All of his actions and movements wore the expression of deep frustration. He just sat there, facing his blanket- covered knees, while his eyes got teary.

 

He wasn't a cry baby, not at all.

Hae never cried.

Maybe it was because of that damned day, which was nearing for the fifth time again, he was being out of balance. If he had ever been balanced since then.

If only he had never been born.

 

But it was useless to think about it in this way. He wasn't able to turn back the time.

Looking into the direction of his desk, Donghae once more had to press his teeth together and take a deep breath.

 

The white paper with his homework on it was lying there, untouched.

Their teacher had given them the task to write an essay or a poem about the question:

“What would you do if you could live one day of your life again?”

 

What a stupid question to even think of!

Nobody could go back in time, so why …. why would you waste a thought and energy about it?

The truth was... because he did.

He had tried so many times that he had already lost track of it. But nothing worked.

 

His best friend, his sister and love was gone. It hadn't been the romantic kind of love.

Not at all.

It was the love you felt and would feel for your soul mate.

The name of his soul mate, of that girl, had been Jessica Johnson.

But Hae always used to call her Jess or Johnny.

And now she was dead because of him.

Maybe Donghae had survived that fateful day from the outside, but from the inside he got killed too.

 

There were no more feelings left he could feel.

His heart had been broken, shattered into a billion peaces an no one ever bothered to fix it again.

So what should he answer to a question like this?

“What would you do if you could live one day of your life again?”

 

He still remembered all of the emotions and thoughts he have had while he did his homework.

 

Flashback

 

Being more than upset, Kiron sat in front of a white paper with a single question written on it.

A simple question for others maybe, but for him it was pure torture.

What did they want to hear from him?

 

Was he supposed to say: Well if I could live one day again I would chose to die instead of my friend?

If I could turn back time I would gladly die too?

If I could If I could live a day once again, I wish I would never feel the gazes of hateful minds on me anymore?

If I could go back I would love for those who are dear to me, to stay and to still love me no matter what?

 

But if only, if only...

 

Donghae pressed a hand on the empty and hurting place in his chest, fighting with himself.

He had thought so often about the “if's” and “could's” that he was no longer able to say how it would have been in the end.

All he knew was that he mustn't write what he just had thought about.

No...

Nobody needed to know … he was the one who caused Johnny's death.

 

People were already badmouthing him to no end anyway. He wasn't supposed to feed the fire around him with patrol, or else they would really eat him alive.

Hae didn't know what to do... no one knew except from his parents and some other persons, who happened to be involved too.

At school it was said he had depressions so he could stay at home, but reality always wore the ugly side of the mask, it was showing the ugly truth that he was a murderer.

 

So instead of writing an essay he began writing a poem:

 

“The first and last day in my life”

by Lee Donghae

 

If I could life my first day again I wouldn't do anything different

I would take my first breath in this world and wouldn't know what it meant...

I mean with a single breath you maybe get to smell a scent

but actually it is so much more than that: it is the decision of a beginning or an end.

The lucky ones will never face this situation of crime,

cause no matter who they are, they never got the time.

The time to laugh, to live, to cry,

with one missed breath to take,

their life went by.

I survived but what can I see?

When I look in the mirror there is only a broken me.

So if I could live my last day again,

it was a day one year after I had turned ten.

I would change one little thing, instead of that beloved someone,

I would be the one to be gone.

Leaving without saying good-bye,

only leaving bittersweet memories and some people who cry.

But even though my last day went by,

I am still here here, living the life of a lie,

because heaven is just another word for hell,

and mercy is faked, oh I know that so well.

So please, praised and screwed destiny and fate,

take off from my shoulders that heavy weight,

and give me with the justice' knife

the final, relieving first and last day in my life.

....

Back to reality Donghae now stood in front of the poem with one hand on his desk, holding the paper in place. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to control his feelings once again.

 

What he had written was the truth nobody saw and the truth he could never say out loud.

He had been eleven years old when all of this had happened.

 

He had been nothing more than a small, little boy, who had lost the most important person in his life back then, because he had been stupid and ignorant.

 

Nobody tried to lift the weight off of his little shoulders caused by the guilt he was feeling in his heart and now he didn't know how to stand straight anymore.

Nobody cared about it anyway, a murderer mustn't need mercy.

 

They thought he was a monster, which had killed his best friend.

It was all they had seen that day and it was all they were seeing now.

 

A monster.

 

A soulless, cold bastard.

 

And beyond?

 

Well first of all who cared and second he was just broken and tired.

Shaken by a new wave of anger he crumpled the paper in his fist and then threw it into the garbage can.

 

No they should never know the real truth! They wouldn't understand nor listen anyway!

The police, the teachers, the judges, the students, his father...

They never believed in his innocence and if they did they never comforted him or gave him hope.

Adults were too cruel for emotions... he learned it in a young age.

 

Running his fingers through his long, raven hair, Donghae let out a loud sigh.

It was his fault so he had to bear with it.

 

Having a look at the time he begun to curse and pulled the blanket around his shoulders over his head, falling back into the armchair behind him.

His whole figure looked quite pitiful in the darkness of the room. So broken and lonely and hopeless.

 

It was already 7:10 am.

 

School was about to start in 50 minutes and he wasn't ready to go out in the slightest.

He had to get out of his room and start his daily routine.

But unfortunately all the boy was up to, was to hide under his blanket forever. He didn't want to get up and he didn't want to go to school either.

It wasn't because he hated school that much or getting into action. He kept it as an excuse yes, but the truth looked different.

 

Kiron was tired of facing the world alone every single day.

But thoughts wouldn't get anything done and the time was ticking.

 

Visibly exhausted he scuffled to the bathroom in the basement, hoping a cold shower would make the tiredness he felt going away.

 

All the rooms in the basement were actually for guests, but considering his situation he was nothing more than that in this big house he once called his home.

Locking the door behind him, he got into the shower and tried hard not to think anymore.

 

With the warm water running down his tanned and well build body, Hae felt how his tensed muscles were slightly relaxing again. Actually this was the only time of the day he wasn't moody at all. He just enjoyed the water like he did as a child. There were no worries, no doubts, no thoughts... only him and the sound of the water hitting his wet

skin.

 

After 15 minutes of taking his relaxing shower, he brushed his teeth and faced himself in the mirror.

His blue eyes staring back at him with no emotions, the scares from the accident all over his chest and back were glimmering in rosy colors and the black hair he got from his uncle was still wet and dripping with water.

All in all not really pleasant to look at but still... that's who he was.

 

The total opposite of his father. Simon Michael Lee was the only son of his grandfather, who once had an affair with an English girl, who was actually from Scotland.

That's why he wasn't looking like a Korean at all. He had blue eyes and brown hair that sometimes was shining golden in the sun. Because of his European roots he grew up tall and well build. His whole appearance was impressive. Donghae's grandfather didn't know he had a son until one day a ten year old boy with his looks appeared in front of his door because the girl, Catriona McDean, died after a long time of suffering with cancer.

So she send her son to the man who was his father.

And in fact Kirons father had been lucky. It turned out that he was the only heir of Lee Dongjin, CEO of one of the largest companies in Korea. But unfortunately the strict rules and the family pride became the important in the mind and behavior of Simon Michael Lee.

And still... somehow that man managed to marry the love of his life and short after Donghae was born.

 

Shaking his head Hae got back into the present. He hated it when he remembered the times he wouldn't get back.

Turning his back to the mirror, Kiron walked up the stairs into the kitchen with nothing but a towel around his hips.

He never bothered to get dressed after showering.

Why should he? Everyone who lived in this house had seen him naked numerous times.

There wasn't anything he had to hide right now anyway... all of them were already gone.

 

Well not all of them. When he heard some barking sounds he looked outside the garden to see two white puppies playing on the grass. He loved these two little guys a lot, because sometimes they were the only friends he had. And mostly they joined him for breakfast, but today they seemed to be too busy. Donghae was used to eating without his parents or his brothers.

 

It wasn't that he wouldn't want to.

 

It was them.

 

They avoided him like the plague.

 

Especially his father. Hae could see the hate his father felt towards his own son whenever he dared to look at him.

His mother tried to talk to him sometimes, but he could tell she felt uncomfortable around him.

 

And his brothers...

 

Well they loved him in their own ways, but they were just too afraid of him to get near.

He really was a monster, wasn't he?

 

During breakfast he looked out of the window and his thoughts went somewhere far away.

 

The weather was beautiful this morning, especially the sunlight which was shining trough the old, big willow tree outside the garden, flushing everything into a golden gleam.

The wind gently rocked the long branches and the birds were singing their melodies.

 

“It's rather beautiful, if not for these damn nightmares that are chasing me every night”, he mumbled to himself in deep thoughts.

 

He could feel how all those sleepless nights were getting down on his nerves.

And there he was back to the thoughts he had tried to forget just a few minutes ago... but he couldn't help it. At first he just ignored his dreams, hoping they would fade away, but they only got worse with the time being.

He prayed for them to stop, but even so god seemed to hate him.

 

Wasn't it always like this? Too many questions had been asked and no answer was found.

 

Well at least that's how things mostly turned out... Donghae knew the answer.

 

It would never stop.

 

So it was useless to keep on asking “why?” or “what for?”.

 

And here he was again thinking about exactly the same like a few minutes ago.

Hearing some happy barks he turned around to see the two little dogs running around, their white fur already brown with all the mud.

 

“At least you guys seem to be happy”, he mumbled to himself and got up to put his plate and cup into the dishwasher and cleaned up the table.

 

While he walked out of the kitchen the clock at the wall caught his attention.

 

Time seemed to be going by rather quickly this morning, because it was already 7:45

am.

 

Damn it! He would be late again.

 

Hae hated it to be unpunctual and he wasn't tolerating it either.

But it couldn't be helped. Sometimes unpleasant circumstances would change everything and turn it upside down. To be honest... school wasn't his number one priority anyway.

Before he grabbed his school bag he walked back into his room to open the curtains and the windows.

 

He would be late no matter whether he hurried up or not. He could make it in time, maybe, but he was a lazy ass when he had to do things he didn't want to do.

 

And school was one of them.

 

Being super slow, Donghae put on his shoes and jacket and then left the house.

A soft breeze was ruffling through his hair, while leafs fell down to the ground.

He whistled some random melodies and suddenly froze in spot, remembering a certain person.

A person who wouldn't be amused about him being late and his every day reason to get out of bed.

So he decided to hurry up.

Being late was one thing he could bear with, being scolded by him was a whole different story.

 

By the time thinking of his worst punishment if he would be late, Donghae was already running.

The cold air of the morning was burning in his throat and he felt a bit dizzy from the lack of oxygen in his body, but he made it.

 

After a few minutes he was in front of the school and he wouldn't get scolded.

He looked up at the grey paint of the school and as he stood there sad memories came back into his mind.

 

Jessica had loved her school.

 

She even wanted to transfer to his school to spend more time with Donghae, but here parents had been against it.

Not because they wanted to separate the two friends... it would have just taken too long for the girl to get to school and the small family was relying so much on each other that in the end they made a promise to visit each other during the weekends and special days and as often as they could.

So she always visited her best friend whenever she had a day off and waited at the entry of his school.

 

It always had been his favorite days he cherished the most since he had to spend most of his time without her. The school had two entries. The left one, where the younger kids went through and the right one for the elder teenagers like Hae.

 

And actually at this time he should have used the left entrance, because he had been eleven years old and far away from being allowed to use the one for the older students, but he never gave a damn about rules. So they just met here, right in front of the right entry he was rightfully standing in front of now.

 

Jess had always been there to support him, to listen to his problems and to love him just the way he was.

 

Not asking questions if he didn't want to talk and not turning around when he was about to lose the way. When Donghae was the raging sea she had always been the rock in it, the place to find peace after the storm.

 

“When the waves are about to overwhelm you, let yourself get drowned to the ground of the sea and find balance with your inner peace.”

 

These were the words Jessica had always used to calm him. Her soft voice still remaining in his ears, like the soft summer breeze during the warming sundown on rustling meadows whistling to you the sweet words of feeling home.

Her warm embrace tickling on his skin like a million butterflies under the golden rays of the sun and the everlasting strength of her peace you would feel while dozing under an old willow tree, that lend you a shoulder to lean on and shadow to seek rest.

 

But now the summer breeze had turned into a storm of the darkest winter night, the butterflies into cold raindrops that were burning on your skin and the old willow got cut down by the saw of the destroying present.

And also the rock in the sea was gone, covered by the raging waves of guilt and tears of

deep pain in a broken soul.

 

Because now she was dead, Donghae's carelessness had killed her.

 

Hae ignored the new feelings of guilt which were drowning his heart again and let out another loud sigh of resignation.

 

Yes every day was just the same since he had changed.

 

It would never stop...

 

He looked to the sky and let out a shaky breath.

When Jessica got buried, Hae had looked at the grave of his beloved friend and forgot about all his hopes. He buried them with her without mercy, because that seemed to be

the only way for him to be able to survive.

 

Maybe someday he would find out why all this things had to happen.

 

Maybe he would get the chance to finally move on after this and live a happy life again.

 

Maybe fate hadn't given up on him yet.

 

Donghae lowered his head and sighed again.

 

To be honest and to say the truth … somewhere deep down inside of him there was still some hope left, because he never let it die all these years. He kept in a small bubble, like his most beautiful treasure, save from all the harm and hate he felt.

 

Why?

 

Well it was the one thing Jess had given him before she left him. Her positive and friendly personality had been like a haven for him in hard times and he couldn't just forget about what she had taught him.

 

He remembered every single word, every smile and every gesture, which had shown him how it could be and so he held on to it. Knowing that someday there would be a brighter future waiting for him if he just found the strength to believe again.

 

Kiron got himself together and whispered:

“Someday Johnny... maybe. I promise.”

 

Like an answer the wind was blowing some of his strands gently into his face.

He smiled a bit and finally walked into the building, after he heard the first ringing of the school bell.

His first class was about to start in barley ten minutes and the hallways were still as crowded as ever.

 

He really had to hurry up now or else he would be scolded twice this morning.

 

As he walked to his class room he heard people talking and laughing.

Shaking his head, Donghae couldn't believe how energetic they seemed to be.

Especially when they hadn't had a time table like him during school days and a boring life besides them.

 

It seemed like a bad joke that he had maths three times a week and on top of that it was always the first class in the morning. It wasn't that I would have been annoying him or something like this... or …. maybe... just a tiny little bit … okay fine!!

It was on of the most annoying things he had to bear with and it was near to physical harm to hear that high-pitched voice, which was causing you a headache in less than five seconds. But the best thing was: if there was one thing Mr. Kim hated more than his job

it was an unpunctual student.

 

Hae could already see him in the classroom walking back and forth in an incredible speed with his short legs, scolding him...

 

“Mr. Lee, how often have you been late again this week already? Aren't you able to read the time properly? One of the simplest and most elemental things that is associated with mathematics?! And that's the basic point here: The whole world is mathematics and the whole world is consisting of numbers.

Without these basics we shouldn't go out of our house in the first place. So ladies and gentlemen... blah,blah,blah.”

 

It always used to be like this. Luckily he wasn't late by now. While Donghae was on his was to his room, he heard some people whispering and talking about him as soon as they noticed him or were talking about their plans for the upcoming holidays in October.

There were these two groups. The second, which was always taking care about their own business never bothered him anyway. It was the first one that got on his his nerves.

Although he knew how fast students were to hawk about rumors, he didn't like the fact that he was seen as inhuman and cruel because of them.

 

Drowned in his thought he suddenly heard a too familiar voice behind him.

 

“Kiron, wait a second! Yah Kiron!!”

 

Oh great... before he could react in any way somebody the person who had called him

grabbed his arm in a firm hold.

 

It was him.


	3. Lee Eunhyuk

Donghae's P.O.V.

 

Slightly annoyed, Donghae turned around and looked straight into those chocolate brown orbs of his.

They were sparkling of anger and his blonde dyed hair was framing his face, underlining the sharp line of his jaw and emphasizing the shining brown, that was looking like melted amber in the sun, of his eyes.

 

Everything about him was handsome and fascinating.

His energy, the way he walked, the way he used to talk to everyone, his inner strength and his kind personality.

To make it short, the boy in front of him was everything someone could wish and ask for.

Especially the girls in school.

 

Donghae had to experience that popularity of his friend a lot, but the other never seemed to be interested in anyone of them.

Even the schools heart trouser number one, Kim Kibum or the most prettiest girls had to face the reality.

Nobody would ever get the blonde or get near to be as great as he was.

Well most of the other boys and many girls were asking around why he would reject all the sexy and cute girls at school, unrepentant.

 

Donghae could only laugh about their stupidy. Things were like that, because...

 

He was Lee Hyukjae.

 

Compared to his shining character, everyone else turned into a nobody and was totally out of her league. The raven-haired knew it too well, because he was one of them.

He wasn't kind, nor popular, nor anything to mention in the first place.

 

All they saw was a monster. A boy with long, black hair and ice-cold, blue eyes with no ground.

At first it hurt him more than he would have ever admitted, but as time went by he just endured it.

 

What did people say?

 

Do something wrong and you will come under fire. It won't matter how many good things you did in life... in the end all they are going to see are the mistakes you made.

It had always been like that. If you were different, you're going to be an outsider until you would start to adjust to the others liking.

 

But what was the reason of living if you couldn't be yourself?

 

Was it even your life at all when you considered the influences and pressure you had to stand?

 

It didn't matter... Donghae got judged by everyone.

Why should he care about them anymore?

Him being alive or dead … it wouldn't make that much of a difference to them because he was a nobody.

He never had many friends anyway. Neither in kindergarten nor in any other time of his life, because he had been different and he still was.

 

And then he had met Eunhyuk. He really loved him. He was like his little brother, even though you couldn't say it like this because actually the blonde was the older one by a few months.

Donghae couldn't help it, he was just too perfect. Just like an angel. His angel.

He knew it sounded strange to say it like this but the other had just entered his life at the right time, like a guardian and had filled his dark life with light.

 

After Jessica's death, Hyuk had been the only one being there for him, drying off his tears and giving him comfort, a shoulder to always lean on.

The heaven knows where he would be now, if not for the others big heart which saved him a thousand times.

 

Hae had never said it, but he was grateful to the point with all he had left to give, it all belonged to the boy in front of him. But still he never showed that side of himself.

The raven-haired was always cold and distant, because he wanted to protect the other. He knew if they would get any closer to each other, people at school would start to hate his friend as well and he didn't want it to happen.

He deserved more than that, more than Donghae could ever be and give.

 

Although Hyukjae never cared about the opinions of the people, he was too precious to Hae to get broken or hurt.

So he kept on acting like a jerk, hoping the other would give up on him and just walk out of his life, even though he knew too well he could never stand the fact of loosing his best friend.

But if it was for the blondes sake, he would endure everything. Eunhyuks happiness was his first priority, but at the moment he had to deal with another problem.

 

Hyuk was mad. No, not just mad, he was furious and if there was one thing that was even more frightening than death, it was an upset and pissed off Lee Hyukjae.

The slightly taller boy had energy for more than five people at once and was unstoppable once he let out his temper.

Fortunately, Hae had learned how to deal with his outbursts, or at least nearly.

Often he just tried to escape and was quite successful for most of the times, because he hated to discuss and face thing, which wouldn't change anyways.

So he just went with his best strategy again, hoping tht maybe it would work out the way he wanted.

 

“Leave me alone” he grumbled and intended to walk on but today wasn't one of his lucky days. The blonde had a firm grip on his left wrist and he wouldn't let go. Great.

For some reason his friend was even more upset than Donghae had thought.

There was no going back now. He had to face him, if he wanted to or not.

 

“What did you eat for breakfast to be so rude in the morning?” Hyukjae asked.

“It's non of your business so get lost. I am not in the mood to talk, if you haven't noticed it yet.”

Pain flared up in those beautiful brown eyes for a few seconds and Hae knew he had hurt his friend again. He hated himself even more for doing so, but Hyuk wouldn't be himself for backing off so easily right now.

“Oh really? Well I think it is some of my fucking business, because you are still my best friend! So would you mind telling me what happened to you this morning or do I have to

beat the crap out of you until you start talking? You know you can have it one way or the other! Seriously what's wrong with you?! You are walking around like a zombie, you are not reacting to any of your surroundings and on top of that I have to bear with your never ending grumpiness. So what's up?”

 

Donghae stared at the other in an impatient matter and crossed his arms in front of his chest after the blonde had let go of his wrist.

 

“Hyuk don't push your luck....” he said in a low voice.

 

“Or what Kiron?”

 

“Eunhyuk please, we are in the middle of one of the schools hallways. One of the most crowded in the morning, if may add, so don't cause a scene.”

 

For a moment it seemed as if the elder was thinking about it and hope grew inside of Hae. Maybe Hyukjae would just let it be but then again he just grabbed his arm and dragged him to the lockers. It was less crowded and more private.

 

“Better now?” the blonde asked, quite annoyed himself.

“Barely...” Donghae grumbled as an response.

He saw some guys staring at them with curious eyes and send them a hateful glare.

“What do you want?! Can't you see we are talking?!”

Being quite shocked that they had been noticed the boys left on an instant and the two friends were alone again. Nobody would interrupt them now.

 

“You know you can't run away forever Kiron” Eunhyuk started again and the raven-haired really wasn't in the right mood for another lecture of facing the past.

He wasn't stupid enough to go through all of it again and so he really got annoyed.

 

“Oh would you just shut up already?! You are seriously annoying! I am not surprised you don't have a girlfriend by now. Who would want to be together with someone as noisy as you are in the first place? These girls must be blind nowadays to not realize what kind of a bother you can be!”

 

There he had done it again. He had hurt the most special person in his life for the second time of the day. He really was a monster, but he couldn't help it. It was his way to escape the unpleasant and it was awful.

But with the years Hyuk had learned that the only thing someone could do in situations like this, was to fight back without mercy and that's what the boy just did.

 

“You stupid idiot! You don't have to proof to me every single day that you have changed! I know it, okay? I know you are not the boy I once have known for his kindness! And you should know better than anyone else, why I am still single, you bastard! So what is the matter with you? What are you afraid of? You are such a coward, never taking responsibility for what you have done. Is it because of your old friend Jessica? Why can't you see that you are building your own jail with the wall you built around your heart?! Just talk to me already! I will help you! If you would just...”

 

That was it. Eunhyuk hadn't just hit one of his weak spots, he had hit THAT weak spot.

He punched the other in the face and then pulled him up at his sleeves to push him against the lockers.

 

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! Who the hell do you think you are?! You don't know anything about her so get lost! Or should I just repeat it so you won't misunderstand it again? I am not in need of others! I am not in need of their help and even so I am not in need of yours! Why does everyone think they can just come and tell me what to do? Do I look that weak to the world that I need a babysitter to take care of me?  
I tell you once and for all I don't, so shut up and start minding your own business before you start messing around with others matters that shouldn't concern you at all!” he screamed, not caring anymore if anyone was watching and he knew for sure they did.

They often had fought and people loved the entertainment they got from it but today was different. Today was the worst.

It never had been that extreme. It was as if a dark spirit had possessed Hae and wouldn't let him think straight. His whole mind was blank and he felt rather dizzy.

He felt how Hyuk was struggling under his grip, but he couldn't free himself.

Not this time.

 

“Let go of me Kiro.”

 

“I don't even think about it. Why should I do something requested from you? But will you leave after I do? Well if that's the case, finally get lost!”

After reducing the pressure he had used to hold the other down, he felt a sharp pain in his right cheek and soon enough the cold floor on it because this time it was him who got knocked down.

The blonde had turned his left arm behind his back in a hurtful way to make sure Hae wouldn't fight back.

 

Eunhyuk had just punched him.

 

Shocked of the others actions, he tried to look up and catch the gaze of those brown eyes that were staring down at him.

And so he looked at him for the first time. And by saying that, he meant really looking at his friend.

Something he had seemed to miss all these years and it was a shame that he had needed a situation like this to realize it.

The sight in front of him was just breaking his heart even more. The blonde was crying, and it wasn't because of the physical pain he might have felt.

Small, inaudible sobs were escaping his lips and there was a bewildered look in his beautiful, yet teary eyes.

He looked so hurt, so out of place and so vulnerable that Hae couldn't take it.

That was exactly the reason why he had tried to get his distance. He knew it was had been only a matter of time until he would lose it and unfortunately today had to be the day it happened. Though he never wanted to hurt his friend, now it was too late to think about it.

When Hyukjae realized that the raven-haired wouldn't move a single muscle to break free, he once more gave a forceful push to his arm and then ran away.

 

Donghae just laid there and tried to progress what just happened. When he did he cursed with an horrified expression on his face and got on his feet to follow his friend and apologize.

What had he just done?

He was really the worst.

 

When he got a sight of the blonde he gave his all to catch up with him.

“Eunhyuk wait!” he called out but the other wouldn't stop.

Only when they reached the old willow tree in the schoolyard he turned around to face Hae.

“What do you want? Do you want to punch me again or tell me what a bother I am when I am concerned? Just go ahead! You don't seem to care about it at all.”

The pain and disappointment sounded clear trough his words and he took a step back when the raven-haired boy lifted his arms.

But instead of punching him again Donghae pulled his friend into a tight hug before he got down on his knees and so he didn't see the surprised look on the others face.

“I am sorry, I am so sorry I didn't mean to...” he mumbled, nearly inaudible, while he lowered his head.

He buried his face in hands, too afraid of seeing the hate in the boys eyes, the disgust everyone else was showing towards him. He wouldn't be able to stand it if he would hate him too.

Hae had already lost his soulmate, he didn't want to lose his best friend as well.

 

But what else was left now?

 

They had argued a lot in the past, but never had he used such cruel words.

Seconds seemed to turn into hours while waited for Eunhyuk to get his distance, to tell him he was just a lowlife, someone who wasn't even worth living.

But these words never came out of the blondes mouth.

 

After a few minutes that felt like ages he heard him whispering: “Why?”

But Hae didn't dare to answer. He wasn't sure if his friend had really said something or if it was just the pretty part of his imagination.

 

“Why do you think things will get better if you keep hurting other people and continue to push them away? Are you of the opinion that suffering alone is better than sharing your load? You are such a fool if you think no one cares about you!” Hyuk said in tears.

Actually his friend was a crybaby but Donghae knew if it came to people dear to the blonde he could get pretty emotional.

 

He lifted his head and stared at him with a shocked expression. He had been expecting anything to happen except from that. Ashamed of the elders kindness, Hae lowered his head once again and said:

 

“Stop telling lies. Nobody wants me and nobody needs me. Don't you hate me after what I just did to you? You should keep your distance from me Hyukkie.”

The knot in his throat just got bigger with every word he said.

 

“You idiot! You know that I need you! I always will, because I love you! You are my soulmate Kiro and no matter what you'll do I will always be there. You won't get rid of me like some lost puppy! Whatever you need, I will be the one giving it to you. Do you really think I could ever be afraid of you or keep my distance? I don't care what others might say, because you are more important! I just want to help you. Is it really that much to ask?”

 

Eunhyuk was kneeling in front of him by now, lifting his chin with his right hand to force him to look at the blonde. But at first he had lowered his eyes, because he was too afraid of the expressions he might see in his eyes.

 

“Donghae?”

 

He didn't answer and still stared to the ground.

 

“Hae?”

 

Still no answer...

Suddenly Hyuk started to stroke his hair with the other hand and the raven-haired heard the soft, deep voice right next to his ear.

 

“Kiron, please look at me.”

 

That was it. The boy had lost his inner battle and he knew it too well. Keeping his eyes shut for a moment, Hae lifted his head and opened them slowly.

He didn't know what he had been expecting to see but the love and care in his friends eyes was simply balm for his heart.

 

“I love you Kiron, no matter what others say I will always be here, remember that. I won't leave you so don't even try to keep you distance anymore, because it is hurting me more than anything else could. And I would never hate you for what you did. I know it wasn't you who punched me and I know that the old Donghae is still inside of you.  
So if you at least care a little bit for me, just stay by my side.”

 

Hae felt how a warm feeling spread across his whole body. How could he have ever doubted the love of a best friend? And so he was doing the only thing he was able to think about at the moment and pulled the other into a tight hug and buried his face into the blondes neck.

 

“Thank you Hyuk. You were right, you always have been. It was about Jessica but I can't tell you. I miss her so much these days that it hurts. She was my soulmate and now that her fifth… you know... I just... I don't know what to do. It is getting worse every time. Someday I will tell you what happened just give me some more time. I'm sorry. Please forgive this ignorant brat of a best friend of your... I need you.”


End file.
